Vol. 17: The One Thing You Can Always Control

As we embark on our goals this year, I'd love to help focus our energy on things that drive us forward. Namely, things we can control, and not things we can't.

In this chaotic world, there's a lot of things we can't control, both good and bad. Unexplained tragedies, unexpected opportunities, and everything in between.

It's important that we recognize what is in our control and what isn't so that we can best allocate our time and energy to create the most positive result for ourselves and others.

Example: I recently took a vacation to Breckenridge (first time skiing!), and our flight from NOLA to Denver got rerouted to Phoenix mid-flight because Denver was too turbulent to fly into.

It definitely wasn’t an ideal start to the trip.

So what did I do? I ordered two beers, put on Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue, and accepted it.

Control is a big aspect of my life - not to "be controlling" per se, but moreover to have personal agency. Being able to do things out of my agency over myself or a situation.

In other words, I know that if I at least have agency over something, I'll be able to get the outcome I desire, because I'll take the steps to ensure it happens.

But there are things you can’t control. Situations or things about yourself you can’t change. We know this, but do we really know this?

I can’t control the turbulence in Denver (boo!).

I can’t control the rising cost of living (my Starbucks order is $5 now - it used to be $2).

I can’t control the sun setting at 5:30pm in the winter (big 8:30pm sunset guy).

I can’t control that I’m bald now (shoutout Dad).

But there’s one thing you can always control: your mind.

In Stoicism, a core tenet is to accept what you can and can’t control and realize you are always in control of your perception of reality.

As it pertains to pain, Stoic forefather and Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius once said:

Stoic philosopher Epictetus reiterated this notion:

Pain is mental. Therefore you are in control.

Which also means all other emotions and perceptions are mental - and therefore in your control.

You can choose to let a situation harm you, help you, or not effect you at all. The situation remains the same - it's only your perception of it that changes. And you're always in control of your perception.

In your life, recognize the things you can and can’t control. Take a serious inventory.

Then allot time and energy to things you can control and care to alter into a positive outcome. Disregard those you can’t.

Maybe you need to take someone's harsh toned criticism as feedback to get better instead of internalizing it as a personal shortcoming.

Maybe you need to take a task/project by the horns and knock it out the park.

Maybe you need to stop shrugging off this thing you’ve been saying you’d do for years and actually do it.

Or maybe you just need to get two beers, play some Miles Davis, and accept it.

See you next Thursday, Steppers.

We will succeed,

Grayson

​graysonstepanek.com​

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Song of the Week:

Freddie Freeloader (feat. Jo... Miles Davis, John Coltrane,... PREVIEW   ​

It'd be a disservice to not put Miles as Song of the Week after this one! Freddie Freeloader is my favorite of his - so smooth and nostalgic. I know he's not New Orleans jazz, but every time I hear this song, I feel like I'm in Palace Cafe (RIP) on Canal Street. Miles Davis is legendary and deserves all the praise possible.